


On the Fence

by the_snogging_box



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Lexa Lives, Minor Character Death(s), Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-05-30 10:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6419545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_snogging_box/pseuds/the_snogging_box
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke didn't want to move to Baltimore. But when she first met Lexa in elementary school, Clarke couldn't help but feel at home.</p><p>Slow burn Clexa fic. Story follows Clarke from when she's 6-years-old growing up into a young adult.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! So this story starts off with younger Clarke moving to Baltimore. The story will progress as she grows up. 
> 
> This chapter is a "brief" introduction to Clarke and her family. Don't worry! Lexa will show up soon.
> 
> I'm expecting this story to explore Clarke's childhood, teenage years, and well into college/adulthood.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!  
> -April

Clarke didn't want to leave. She liked where they were. Leaving meant she would have to say goodbye to friends and Clarke doesn't like goodbyes. She also didn’t like plane rides. Granted, this was only her third time riding an airplane, but she was certain she didn’t like it even the first time around. 

She hated how she always had to stay in her seat even though she needed to go to use bathroom every few minutes. She holds it in anyways because she hates how loudly the toilet flushes. Even when her parents can afford Business Class, she hates how the cabin always smelled of old people. But lucky for her parents, Clarke loved art. She could stay busy for hours just painting, drawing, or coloring. Abby and Jake Griffin always made sure to pack paper and pencils in their daughter's carry-on backpack during these long trips.

Clarke looked outside the small square window, trying to commit what she saw to memory. She was mesmerized by the endless sea of clouds. Sometimes she wishes she could just fly and sleep on them forever. Maybe plane rides weren't all that bad.

Her daydream was interrupted by the soft beep of the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please make your way back to your seats soon. We will begin descending in just a few moments. Weather is beautiful in Baltimore this afternoon, temperature currently at 76 degrees Fahrenheit and partly cloudy. It is 1:24pm Eastern Standard Time, we are arriving just as scheduled. And on behalf of the crew, thank you for flying with us today at Polaris Airlines.”

There was another soft beep indicating the announcement was over. Other passengers began shuffling, preparing for arrival at the airport. Abby Griffin reached over to her right, beginning to fasten her daughter’s seat belt.

“Clarke, you wanna start putting all your drawings away?” Abby asked, motioning to the scattered pieces of paper sprawled on the open seat tray in front of Clarke.

“Yeah,” Clarke whispered, slowly gathering the papers.

“You okay, sweetie?” Abby knows Clarke isn't exactly happy that they're moving to a different city. But the girl was only 6 years old, Abby knew she had plenty of time to make new friends and she had hope this new neighborhood would grow on her.

“I'm okay,” Clarke finished putting the table up against the seat in front of her and locking it in place.

Clarke was smart for her age. She was very intuitive and responsible. She was also quieter than those her age, but she made up for it with keen and curious observation. Abby and Jake sometimes wonder if they should be worried or proud. Worried that Clarke is growing up too fast. Proud that their little Clarke was mature. Maybe both. Regardless, they loved their daughter with the entirety of the universe, no matter who she is or who she will be. 

Clarke finished closing the zipper on her backpack and Abby wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders, trying to comfort her daughter, “Hey, I know it's hard to say goodbye. But this can also be a new start. You can make new friends and you'll get to have your own big room. Your dad and I will even get you your own art easel to paint and do anything you like.” 

Clarke’s eyes lit up at the idea of having her own art supplies. It makes her feel like a real artist. Even if her dad insists she's as real as Picasso. It's not official until she gets her own easel.

“Do I really?” blue eyes questioned, “that would be so awesome!”

“It’ll be a little early birthday present from your dad and I.” Abby kissed the top of her daughter’s head, hoping that it would somehow reassure Clarke.

“What did I miss?” Jake interrupted, making his way to his seat across the aisle from his wife and daughter. “Someone might wanna give that bathroom a sec,” he joked, locking his seat belt in place then waving his hand in front of his face, mocking the gesture of a bad smell.

“Ew! Dad!” Clarke exclaimed, “That’s so gross.”

Jake and Abby only giggled at their daughter’s amusement. Abby far too comfortable with Jake’s silliness and jokes. Secretly, Clarke thought it was funny too.

* * *

Jake called a cab once they finished checking out of the airport. Their new neighborhood was just 30 minutes away. While Clarke stared blankly at the trees that passed by, Abby silently doubted if moving to Baltimore was a good idea. 

Abby worked for Unity Hospital in Indianapolis. She had been a doctor there for 15 years before the president offered her a job as Senior Physician at their newly built hospital in Baltimore. Although she was comfortable with her current position, this new job offered a larger salary and they practically begged her to take the offer. Abby was one of the best doctors in Indianapolis. She had received many awards and recognitions, especially during her time as a surgeon. Abby was one of the most well-known doctor’s in the city and eventually became the face of Unity Hospital. Her manager eventually convinced her that she was best for the job and the hospital was even helping her look for a new house in the district. They wanted to do anything and everything to have their best doctor set an example at this new location.

Of course, she couldn’t make the decision to move on her own. She brought up the promotion to Jake the night they offered her the job. Expectedly, Jake was as supportive as he’s always been. Jake consistently encouraged his two favorite women to strive for the best and to do what they felt was right. Money was never a priority for the family, but opportunity was. Abby had never lived outside of Indianapolis, and maybe it was time to get a change of scenery. Besides, she hears Baltimore is nice.

A month later, Jake’s petition to transfer to an Exodus Engineering branch in Baltimore was approved. They had bought a 4-bedroom house in a pleasant neighborhood, 10 minutes away from the new Unity Hospital. Although the Exodus campus was closer to Washington DC than Baltimore, Jake never minded long drives to work. The school district was small but it was safe and close. Clarke, although unhappy with her parents’ decision, was being brave and began accepting this new chapter in her life. That was it, they had done their research and they prepared endlessly. In another month, they were leaving behind Indianapolis.

Jake turned and reached behind his passenger seat to gently hold Abby’s hand. Abby was shaken out of her revere, unaware of how long she had been reminiscing. She looked up and met Jake’s eyes, his head twisted uncomfortably to meet Abby’s gaze and his left arm stretched to reach his wife’s hand. He could always sense when she was in doubt.

“Hey,” he squeezed her hand softly, “we’re gonna be okay.” And with a reassuring smile, Jake turned again to face forward in his seat next to the taxi driver. Abby looked to her left and saw that Clarke had fallen asleep against the car door. Abby yawned, evidence that she was tired too. The flight was only an hour long, but she’d be lying if she said those plane rides were more comfortable than her bed.

Just as Abby reached for Clarke to lay her small blonde head on her lap, the taxi turned a corner to the entrance of the neighborhood.

Further down the street, the taxi turned left to face a large gate with a security post in front of it. The taxi driver pulled forward to the right of the post and rolled down his window, greeting the security guard who stepped out.

“Hey there. Just dropping off some residents here.” the driver stated casually. The familiarity in his tone hinting that he had been here before, maybe dropped off some other residents prior to the Griffins. The security guard bent down slightly to get a better look inside the cab.

“Not a problem. I just need the name and address.” the security guard looked stern and serious, but his voice was kind. He took a pen out of his left front pocket, an ink stain visible through the grey uniform. His name tag just above the pocket, reading “David M.” He then reached back into the security post and returned with a small binder in his hand. 

Jake leaned across the console of the car, “The last name is ‘Griffin’. This is our first time in the neighborhood. A moving truck should be arriving either later or tomorrow. Is that gonna be ok?” his volume raised slightly to make sure the guard heard him.

“That’s fine. Just give me the address and the name of the moving company. I’ll let them in.” David replied, reminding Jake to give the address.

“Oh, right. Uh...it’s…” Jake looked at the paper he held in his right hand. It had unintelligible scribbles among other printed writing. “Ok, it’s 17802 Alie Drive. The moving company is Trigeda Movers.”

David finished writing on his small binder before speak again, “Alrighty. You’re all set. I’ll let them in when they show up.”

David then pointed inside the gate towards a building too small to be a house, “When you get the chance, you should stop by the neighborhood clubhouse to pick up your gate keys and register allowed vehicles so you don’t have to do this every time. I’m David if you guys need anything. Welcome to Arkadia.” David finished as he stepped back into the post, turning a key to open the gate.

“Thanks, David!” Jake yelled out before the taxi driver pulled up his window and continued his drive forward.

Abby noticed that this part of the neighborhood was gated, but there was another entrance to a smaller sub-neighborhood that was ungated. She was unable to catch the name carved onto the slab of rock placed at the intersection only a few feet down.

After a few more turns, the Griffins finally arrived at their new home. It was large compared to some of the other houses in the neighborhood, but it wasn’t outrageous nor prestigious.

In Indianapolis, the Griffins lived in an expensive townhome in the heart of the city. It was small but it was theirs. This house was different. There was space, a yard, a driveway and a single door garage. The house was built with beige bricks 2 stories tall and covered with black roofing tiles. The garage was attached to the left of the house and grass was well kept. The driver pulled his car up on the empty driveway.

Jake paid the taxi driver before thanking him and exiting out of the cab. Abby was still staring outside her window, astounded by the size of the house. Jake opened her door with a grin, “We’re here, honey.”

Abby lightly tapped Clarke’s shoulders while stroking her hair, “Hey. We’re here, Clarke.”

Clarke shuffled, mumbling something unintelligible then slowly began raising her head off her mother’s lap. Clarke’s eyes were still sleepy, and she moved the back of her right hand across her mouth to wipe away the escaping drool. 

“We’re...already here?” Clarke piqued, still drowsy from her nap.

“Yeah, sweetie. C’mon. Let’s get your stuff from the trunk and maybe you can finish your nap inside.” 

“Ok, mom.”

Abby slid out of the car with Clarke close behind. Jake had already began removing their luggage from the trunk of the taxi. Clarke stood on the driveway, trying to rub the sleep from her eyes before turning to look up at the new house. Abby reached an arm around Clarke and said, “This is our new home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Stick around for the rest. Any comments are appreciated!
> 
> I'm also on tumblr: the-snogging-box  
> If you wanna shoot me an ask, I'll see what I can do about a little preview for the next chapter ;)
> 
> Stay tuned!  
> -April


	2. Chapter 2

“Ok, guys! C’mon. Single-file line, please.” Mrs. Green tried her best to keep the children calm through the halls of Mt. Weather Elementary. Walking backwards to keep an eye on her students, Mrs. Green caught one of the boys pushing his classmate.

“John Murphy! Stop pushing Wells right now or you will be in time-out for the rest of the day.”

John Murphy, or more commonly referred to simply as ‘Murphy’, grumbled and stopped harassing the boy in front of him. Murphy was used to being put in time-out, the designated time-out corner in the classroom was basically his home. He was the most boisterous of the class, the complete opposite of Clarke Griffin. 

Clarke Griffin, who was the current ‘line leader’, an occurrence that had become common. Clarke Griffin, who has been nicknamed ‘Princess’ by the boys in the class. Clarke Griffin, who found John Murphy absolutely rambunctious and irresponsible. Clarke rolled her eyes in annoyance at Murphy who then stuck his tongue out at her in mockery. 

The line had finally arrived at the cafeteria door, Mrs. Green holding it open.

“Alright, kiddos. Follow Clarke to the lunch table,” Mrs. Green commanded, the kids excited at the prospect of food. As soon as the last person in her line entered the cafeteria, Mrs. Green followed behind.

When the group reached their table, Mrs. Green allowed them to start lunch. Some kids got in line to buy lunch, others had theirs packed. Clarke always had her lunch packed. Her dad made the best turkey sandwich out there, and it was Clarke’s favorite. She promised she’d never grow tired of it. Clarke reached inside the brown paper bag to pull out a sandwich box, a sticky note on the lid: 

  
_Have fun at school, punkin!_  
_Extra mayo, just as requested_  
_-Best Dad Ever_  


Jake always wrote her a lunch note, this wasn’t surprising to Clarke but she smiled anyways. She dumped the remaining items of the bag onto the table, some chips and a juice box. 

Clarke was halfway done with her sandwich when her friends returned from the lunch line. Wells Jaha sat down on her left, followed by Octavia Blake to her right and the inseparable duo of Jasper Jordan and Monty Green sat across from her. A few minutes later, they were joined by Murphy. Clarke wouldn’t exactly call him her friend but he didn’t really have anyone else. 

Her other fellow students settled throughout the long rectangular table. Mrs. Green was seated at the end, always making sure to keep one eye on her students.

“So, do you like it here?” Wells asked Clarke, with a mouthful of pizza. 

Clarke couldn’t help but giggle at his face covered in marinara sauce, “Yeah, you guys are cool,” referring to the friends around her. 

Clarke and her family had been living in Baltimore for 3 months now. Her mother is beginning to settle into her new position at the hospital, her father adjusting to the long drive out to work, and Clarke enjoying new company. It was only one month into the school year but she’s already made some friends.

Wells Jaha was her neighbor, living on the same street as she does. His father, Thelonious, was also the business manager at the new Unity Hospital her mother works at. Abby invited the Jahas over to dinner one night and Clarke was excited to finally meet someone her age. Since then, the families started getting together more often, making Wells the closest thing Clarke has to a best friend. She was so excited to find out they had the same teacher once school started. Over the summer, Wells introduced Clark to some of his other friends in the neighborhood.

Their teacher’s son, Monty, lived on another street. Clarke’s parents would have to drop her off at his house if they wanted to play. Luckily for Monty, his best friend, Jasper, lives next door, just a few feet away from endless fun the two could come up with.

Further down Jasper and Monty’s street lived the Blakes. Octavia lived with her older brother and mother in a one-story house, much smaller than the others’ but still bigger than the houses outside the gate.

“Hey! Watch it!” Octavia exclaimed, anger directed at Jasper and Monty whose small food fight seems to have gotten some of their chocolate pudding on her shirt. Jasper and Monty apologized but continued to laugh at the mishap.

“Jasper! Help me clean this!” Octavia motioning to the front of her white shirt, now covered in brown substance.

“Ok, ok. Let me get some napkins.” Jasper stood up from the table without looking, accidentally bumping into the girl walking behind his seat, knocking the tray from her hands in the process.

“Whoops! I’m so sorry.” Jasper apologized, quickly bending down to pick up the fallen tray from the floor, hoping he didn’t ruin the girl’s lunch.

“It’s ok. It was just trash.” The girl kneeled down next to him, helping Jasper. By this time, Mrs. Green had come along to help as well, apologizing once more to the girl before proceeding to tell Jasper to grab some napkins. 

“I got it.” Clarke interjected, always wanting to be helpful.

Clarke returned from the lunch counter, napkins in hand. Clarke first helped Octavia get the small amounts of pudding still on her shirt, then she noticed the girl who’s food was knocked over had more than just pudding on her shirt. This girl had marinara sauce on her face and icing in her hair.

After helping Octavia, Clarke grabbed the remaining napkins and approached the girl, who was now standing, wiping pudding off her jeans. Mrs. Green noticed Clarke approaching and asked, “Thank you, Clarke. Could you please give this young lady some napkins to clean herself? I’m gonna throw this trash away.” Clarke nodded in understanding.

Clarke stood in front of the girl with her right hand reached out, crumpled napkins in an open palm, “Here you go. I’m sorry about that. Jasper can be crazy sometimes.”

“Thanks, and it’s okay. It was an accident.” The girl replied, reaching for the napkins in Clarke’s hand. The girl lifted her head up to smile at Clarke, and her green eyes met blue ones. Clarke doesn’t know why, but she was suddenly so mesmerized by this girl.

“Do you need help?” Clarke asked cautiously. The girl starting to wipe the icing out of her long brunette locks. 

“It’s ok, I think I got most of it.” 

The girl looked much cleaner than before, her hair back to its original state, although sticky in some places. Clarke noticed red sauce still lingering on the girl’s face and with a napkin in hand, reached up to wipe it off her face, “There. All better.”

“Thanks again.” The girl smiled before holding her right arm out in front of her, “My name’s Lexa. I’m in Mr. Arthur's class.”

“I’m Clarke. Nice to meet you.” The blonde shook Lexa’s hand, glad to finally put a name to the face. Clarke thought she was pretty. Too pretty to have a marinara-stained face and icing covered hair. 

“I gotta get back to my table. See you another time!” Lexa waved goodbye and turned to walk back to her table. Clarke was left standing there, napkin still in hand. Clarke remembered she didn’t like goodbyes.

* * *

That night at dinner, Abby and Jake heard about Lexa for the first time. They noticed the curiosity in their daughter's eyes when she mentioned the green-eyed girl. They also saw the worry in them when Clarke thought she might not see Lexa again.

“I'm sure you'll see her again, punkin. It's not exactly a big school,” Jake reassured.

“I hope so. She was nice," Clarke commented, remembering Lexa's wide grin, her left cheek painted with pizza sauce.

Abby put her fork down, forgetting about the pasta at the end, “Who knows! Maybe you guys will get the same class next year.”

Clarke's eyebrows raised at that thought. Her young heart not understanding why it was beating quicker that usual. Regardless, Clarke held on to that hope and wished for good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* young love. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! As always, comments are always nice to come across.
> 
> Currently working on Chapter 2! Looking to post it by the end of the week.
> 
> Much love!  
> -April


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the all comments and kudos! I can't express how genuinely surprised I am at the response so far.  
> Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you guys dig. Sorry I'm a *little* late in posting, I just wanted to make sure it was nice and perfect for you guys.
> 
> -April

Clarke did get lucky the next year. As she entered her new classroom on the first day of school, the first thing she noticed was long brunette hair, with a single small braid dangling on the left side of her face. Lexa sat at her desk across the room, conversing and giggling with the girl on her right.

 

The year prior, Clarke did get to see Lexa after the cafeteria incident, but only from a distance. Clarke could recognize Lexa’s wavy brown hair from halfway down the hall. When their separate class lines crossed in opposite directions, Clarke would offer a smile and short wave, a gesture that Lexa always returned. Lexa's lunch table was two tables down the length of Clarke’s, but rarely could Clarke catch Lexa's attention across the sea of children. Octavia once nudged her on the side, curious as to what her friend  was trying to get a look at. Clarke would blush at getting caught but would return her gaze down the length of the table, more subtly this time, or that's what she liked to believe. They didn’t share any other classes and Clarke’s class would go to recess just as Lexa’s would finish. This was the case for the remaining school year, and Clarke found that she was saddened to know that she might also not see the green-eyed girl during the summer either. So when that became the case, Clarke was excited to go back to school the following year.

 

But summers can be long and Clarke suddenly felt shy; the courage to say even a simple “hello” somehow became the most difficult task she's ever come across. Doubts flooded her mind. Would Lexa even remember her? But before she could make a decision, Lexa’s eyes found Clarke’s. Clarke slightly blushed at the realization of getting caught and quickly averted her direction.

 

“Clarke!”

 

Clarke returned her gaze to Lexa’s direction.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa was now walking towards her, her right arm waving from side to side, a smile on her face and joy in her eyes.

 

Clarke suddenly felt ill prepared and thought she was going to explode.

 

“Hey, Clarke!” Lexa stopped a few feet in front of Clarke

 

“Hey-” Clarke was cut off by Lexa lurching forward, giving her a hug.

 

Clarke was surprised, but pleasantly so. If she felt lucky before, she felt even more so now.

 

“How was your summer?” Lexa didn’t give Clarke a time to respond to her question before reaching for her right hand and pulling her across the room to the girl who she was talking to earlier. “I’m so glad we’re in the same class! C’mon I want you to meet my best friend!”

 

“Clarke, meet my friend Costia. She’s lives next door to me.” Lexa motioned to the girl once they got close enough.

 

Costia smiled towards Clarke, wide enough to reach her eyes and show her teeth. Clarke couldn’t help but smile in return.

 

Costia’s hair was jet black, a little frizzy but mostly well kept and it’s length barely reached the tops of her shoulders. Her skin was darker than both Lexa and Clarke’s, almost an olive tone. Her eyes were a soft brown, and Clarke was almost in awe of this young girl’s beauty.

 

“Costia, this is the girl I told you about. The one I met in the cafeteria. She’s my new friend.”

 

Clarke turned to the girl next to her. _Friend_? She liked the sound of that. It made her heart feel warm and before she knew it, she was smiling.

 

“I’m Clarke. Nice to meet you.” Clarke turned back to Costia once more and stuck her hand out, remembering what her mother taught her about being polite.

 

Costia shook Clarke’s hand from her seat, “Nice to meet you, too! I’m so happy we’re all in the same class.”

 

And with that, all three girls smiled at each other. Clarke doesn’t remember being this happy before. Not even in Indianapolis with her old friends. She thinks that maybe moving to Baltimore wasn’t so bad after all and that this year will be a good one.

 

* * *

 

Second grade did turn out to be good. That year Clarke learned more about Lexa. She learned that Lexa didn’t live inside the same gated neighborhood as some of her other friends did. Instead she lived outside the gate, but still within Arkadia.

 

Once, Clarke visited Lexa’s house and discovered that Lexa’s dad left before she was born and her mother died during Lexa’s birth and she has since lived with her uncle Gustus and his daughter Anya. Lexa never knew her parents, and sometimes she does wonder what they were like, but Gustus always treated Lexa as his own, and Anya, being a few years older, was happy to take Lexa under her wing.

 

Clarke felt sad for Lexa for never having met her parents. But even after just one visit to her house Clarke could understand that she at least still had family. Lexa was happy with Gustus and Anya. There was rarely a moment she didn't see Lexa smile. Even after Anya would tease her about being reckless, Lexa would smile like she was proud of it. Clarke got to experience some of Lexa’s recklessness first hand.

 

During the summer after second grade, Lexa visited Clarke's side of the neighborhood and they biked to the nearest playground. Lexa was a show-off. Clarke learned that early on. Lexa climbed on top of the monkey bars and hung from them by her knees.

 

“Clarke look!” Lexa grinned in pride at her accomplishment.

 

Clarke turned around from her position on the swing and immediately felt worry seeing Lexa hanging upside down a few feet off the ground, “Lexa! Get down before you get hurt.”

 

Lexa let out a soft giggle at her friend before moving to reach for the monkey bars with her hands. Her face was red, gravity bringing the blood to concentrate at her forehead and cheeks.

 

Clarke jumped from her swing and called out to Lexa, “Lexa! Be careful!”

 

“Don't worry, Clarke! I got it. Whoa-” Just as Lexa had positioned herself upright, sitting on the bars, one of her hands lost grip and she was sent falling to the ground. She heard an audible gasp coming from Clarke before using her arms to shield her face from the mulchy impact.

 

“LEXA!” Clarke rushed over to her friend, quickly kneeling beside her on the ground before carefully turning her over to her back. Lexa grimaced at the movement.

 

“Lexa, are you okay?” Clarke was beyond worried but relieved to find Lexa still alive. Clarke quickly observed Lexa to see if she had any serious damages. Both Lexa’s knees were red from impact and her left one was bleeding. Clarke helped Lexa sit herself up.

 

Lexa tried to use her left hand to support herself on the ground, but immediately pulled it toward her chest when she felt a sharp pain shoot up her wrist and along her forearm. Lexa winced and raised her left arm to look at it. Clarke gently took Lexa’s left wrist in her hands, worried eyes and knitted eyebrows focused. Lexa's wrist was slightly blue. Clarke thought it might be broken.

 

“C’mon. My house is just around the corner. My mom’s a doctor, she can fix your arm.” Clarke slowly lowered Lexa’s hand and turned to look at her face. The corner of Lexa’s lips were still curled upwards although she was obviously trying to hide her amusement over her blonde friend’s worry.

 

“Lexa! Why are you smiling? You almost died!”

 

Lexa couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, “You’re being silly, Clarke. I’m okay. And did you see me? That was pretty cool, right?” At this point, Lexa was grinning, eyes almost closed and teeth bare.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes so hard, they almost got stuck, “No, Lexa. That was _not_ cool. You fell.”

 

Lexa was still grinning when Clarke helped her up to her feet. Lexa kept her left foot bent at the knee, not allowing to put her weight on it. Clarke began brushing off dirt that stuck on to Lexa’s shirt before placing Lexa’s left arm over her shoulder like she saw in the movies when someone got hurt.

 

Clarke and Lexa left their bikes in the park and began their walk to Clarke’s house. Their journey was short but slow. Clarke taking her time to make sure Lexa would remain in one piece. Lexa kept telling her friend to stop being such a worry-wart. But Clarke only huffed in defiance, which earned a snort of laughter from the brunette.

 

* * *

 

Abby made quick work of Lexa's injuries. Glad that she only had a small scrape on her knee and a mild wrist sprain. Lexa was seated on top of the Griffin’s kitchen counter. Abby just finished cleaning Lexa’s knee and Clarke placed a Star Wars band-aid over the wound. They only had Star Wars and Barbie band-aids, and Clarke thought Star Wars was more Lexa’s style.

 

“Cool! Star Wars is my favorite.” Lexa exclaimed, happy to see the lightsaber decorated band-aid covering her knee.

 

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s excitement, practically brimming with pride to be sporting the bandage on her wrist and a lightsaber on her knee.

 

“Can I do anything else, mom?” Clarke was always eager to help. Abby always told her that being an such a great artist gave her steady hands.

 

“No, sweetie. You did great.” Abby offered her little assistant a smile. “Okay Lexa, you're good to go. Just be careful next time okay, girls? I really don't wanna have to take one of you to the hospital next time.”

 

“I promise I won't let it happen again, mom.” Clarke said, shooting an accusative glare in Lexa’s direction.

 

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin. I promise I'll be more careful.” Lexa apologized.

 

“It's alright, Lexa. Just maybe stay away from the monkey bars for a while. I'm just glad Clarke was there to help you out.”

 

Lexa gave a smile in Clarke's direction, “Me too.”

 

Lexa somehow never failed to make Clarke blush, and this time was not an exception.

 

Abby smiled at the girl’s interaction before looking to Lexa, “I’m gonna call your uncle and let him know what happened.” Abby stated before reaching for the telephone near the edge of the counter.

 

Lexa nodded, “Thanks, Mrs. Griffin.”

 

* * *

 

That evening, Costia and her parents drove by the Griffin residence to pick Lexa up. Gustus was still working late at the police station, and asked his neighbors to pick up his niece. It was a rare occasion to see Costia and Lexa apart, but Costia promised to go grocery shopping with her parents that afternoon.

 

Costia was on the front porch when Clarke opened the door. Lexa was quick to show her best friend the aftermath of the earlier incident. Costia took Lexa’s wrist and placed a soft kiss on top of the bandage. Clarke could've sworn she saw the brunette’s cheeks flush a slight shade of crimson.

 

Clarke had felt jealousy before, but this was almost an envy towards Costia. Not because Lexa called Costia her best friend and not because Costia could elicit a reaction from Lexa that caused her to blush, but Clarke was envious of their friendship. Clarke didn’t just learn more about Lexa, she also learned more about Costia throughout the past year.

 

Clarke found Costia to be absolutely lovely and she had become Clarke’s friend as much as Lexa had. But Clarke could never shake the feeling of desire to be as close to someone and mean so much to someone as Costia did to Lexa. And although she’d never admit it, Clarke didn’t just want to be relevant and important in _someone_ _else’s_ life, she wanted to be relevant and important in _Lexa’s_ life.

 

* * *

 

Clarke believed it was fate when throughout the rest of their elementary school years, Clarke and Lexa always shared the same class. Their bond and friendship grew beyond what Clarke could’ve imagined.

 

During 5th grade, Octavia and Costia also shared the same class as Clarke and Lexa, and the amount of trouble those girls could get themselves into was more than enough to count on both hands. Clarke was always the hesitant one, but the odds were never in her favor as the other three girls could always convince her to join in on the “fun”.

 

That year, the girls made plenty of memories together. One of Clarke’s fondest ones was defeating the boys at an indoor soccer match during their PE class. It was boys against girls, and Clarke learned that Octavia and Lexa had a knack for sports. The boys didn’t stand a chance against Lexa’s quick feet that never seemed to stop moving. Both Octavia and Lexa earned many high praises from the PE coach, something they both were endlessly proud of. Clarke could never forget the amount of joy and triumph in Lexa’s expression with her chest jut out. This wasn’t the first time Clarke saw this and it wouldn’t be the last.

 

Clarke tried desperately to hold on to these memories when she learned that after this year, the girls would no longer be sharing the same school.

 

“I don’t get it. Why can’t Lexa go to the same school as me?” Clarke sat at the dinner table with her parents, disinterested at the food in front of her.

 

“I don’t know, honey. It’s just the way the district is set up. They built a new middle school and this side of Arkadia gets to go to _Arkadia Middle School_ and the other side gets to go to _Forest Oaks Middle School_.” Abby had just come home from work. She was tired and still in her scrubs, but she couldn’t rest knowing her little girl was glum. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But you can still hang out with Lexa and Costia! You can bike to their house on the weekends, it’s only a few minutes away.”

 

Clarke was picking at the food on her plate now and she was hearing her mother, but she wasn’t listening. She just kept thinking about how there would be no more group projects together and how there would be no more sharing lunches together and no more art class together.

 

Clarke reminisces at the art class she previously shared with Lexa. Art, of course, was Clarke’s favorite subject. Ms. Gordon never lacked in compliments for the talented girl and neither did Lexa.

 

“Wow, Clarke. That’s so amazing.” Lexa’s eyes widened at her friend’s natural talent. Lexa doesn’t remember anyone being this good at drawing and she felt a sort of pride knowing that Clarke was her friend.

 

Clarke always grinned in response, “Thanks, Lex. Yours is looking good too!”

 

“No way! Not as good as yours.”

 

The class was instructed to sketch landscapes that they would later watercolor. Clarke’s drawing was coming along, a shallow meadow in the distance with trees surrounding it.

 

“Here. Can I help?” Clarke offered.

 

Lexa only nodded once in response before Clarke sat closer and began adjusting Lexa’s grip on her pencil.

 

“You’re gripping your pencil too tight. Hold it like this, it helps with the shading.” Clarke helped move Lexa’s hands across the paper, demonstrating the effect she was trying to teach.

 

When Clarke released her friend’s hand and looked up to smile at her friend, she could’ve sworn Lexa’s cheeks were a slight pink before she coughed, “Thanks, Clarke.” Almost refusing to look her friend in the eye.

 

Clarke could only keep grinning, “Anytime, Lex.”

 

“Clarke. Hey, punkin…” Clarke was shaken out of her memory, her dad glancing over worried expression.

 

“I'm okay, dad.” Clarke tried to resume eating the now cold dinner.

 

“Hey, at least you'll still see Wells and Octavia. Monty and Jasper too.”

 

Clarke knew this was true and even though Octavia was in her class, she had missed the boys. She makes a mental note to stop by their house in the upcoming summer.

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Clarke tries to be optimistic, but her parent’s words of encouragement were not enough.

 

Abby looks across the table to face her husband, a concerned expression on her face. Jake silently responds with equally worried eyes.

 

* * *

 

Jake kisses the top of Clarke’s head before finishing tucking her into bed.

 

“Hey, baby. I know you’re sad about not going to the same school as Lexa next year. I know you girls have gotten so close, you guys are like best friends. But, it’s not the end of the world. She’ll still live across the gate. If you want me to drop you off at her house, I’m more than happy to. And as long as you wear your helmet, you can ride your bike over there.” Jake was trying his best to help his daughter see the silver lining, something he could tell was fading from Clarke’s point of view.

 

“I know, daddy. I’m just sad about it. I don’t want Lexa to think I don’t love her anymore.”

 

Jake was almost surprised to hear Clarke use such a strong word. _Almost_.

 

Jake believed a child’s love for another is one of the purest forms, without the complication and over-thinking that comes with age, a child’s love was simple, honest and undoubtful. There was no spectrum of “friendly love” or “familial love” or even “romantic love”, there was just _love_. And Jake knew that even in just the short amount of time Clarke knew the green-eyed girl, she loved Lexa. And Jake knew that his little girl was heartbroken to know that they would be separated.

 

* * *

 

That summer before middle school, Clarke tried her best to spend as much time as she could with Lexa. Some days consisted of sweaty bike rides throughout the neighborhood, other days were spent at the community pool. One night was spent watching the original Star Wars trilogy at Clarke’s house. Monty, Jasper, Wells, Octavia and Costia were invited and all showed up but Wells. He told Clarke that he had to help his dad with something that night and Clarke didn’t think much of it. Another night, Clarke and Costia had a sleepover at Lexa’s, although none of them ended up sleeping throughout most of the night. Instead, their night consisted of eating junk food, building forts in Lexa’s room, and not really paying attention to the movies showing on her TV. Eventually the girls tired out, and Clarke doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she wakes up on the floor next to Lexa, sandwiching the girl between herself and Costia. She found it funny that there was a perfectly comfortable bed two feet away, but the three settled for the floor nevertheless.

 

On the Sunday before their first day of middle school, Lexa was invited to have lunch with the Griffins, something that became a natural occurrence during the past few years. Abby and Jake didn’t work during the weekends, but Abby was always on-call, incase the hospital staff needed her for any emergencies. Regardless, she tries to leave work at work and instead focused on preparing the lunch for her husband and the two girls.

 

“Where’s Costia? I invited her, too.” Clarke looked around the side of her art easel, directing the question to Lexa laying down on top of the cover’s of Clarke’s bed.

 

Lexa was face down on Clarke’s bed, her face smothered on one of the pillows, arms on her side, “She’s shopping for school supplies with her mom. Uncle Gustus already took me and Anya yesterday.” Lexa lifted her head up slightly off the pillow to offer Clarke a smile, “Can I look at the drawing now?”

 

“No! It’s not done. I’ll give it to you before you leave.” Clarke continued on her artwork, focused on the paper.

 

Lexa only grunted in response before placing her face back into the pillow, “Fineeeee.”

 

Clarke only giggled at her impatient friend, her disgruntled reply muffled slightly by the pillow.

 

“Clarke, I’m gonna miss you.” Lexa’s face was still pressed against the pillow, but Clarke could understand what she was trying to say.

 

“Don’t say that like you’re never gonna see me again!” Clarke wasn’t angry, but frustrated, “Just...don’t think about it. I’m almost done with the drawing.”

 

A few minutes later, Clarke finished her masterpiece. She was satisfied with the majority of it. She wishes she had more time to do some finishing touches, but she’s a perfectionist when it comes to her art, she’d never finish anything if she kept trying to fix the tiny things.

 

“Okay! I’m all done.” Clarke took the canvas off the easel stand. It wasn’t a large piece, but it wasn’t small either. It was the length of her arm, and as wide as her shoulders.

 

Lexa hopped off the bed, “Let me see!”

 

Clarke was always nervous to show her work to others. It was like a little piece of her that she was letting someone else see. But she already told Lexa it would be a present for her, and it was too late to take that back. Clarke bit the bottom of her lip before flipping the canvas around to face Lexa.

 

Lexa’s eyes lit up. Clarke suddenly felt like she was going to vomit. Lexa still hasn’t said a word but her expression said plenty.

 

“So, do you like it? Is it okay? I knew I should’ve worked on it more.” Clarke’s insecurities were setting in, and just as she turned to move the canvas around, Lexa stopped her.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa’s voice was soft, “I love it. It’s amazing. You’re amazing. Thanks so much.” Lexa moved to hold the piece in her hand, Clarke let her.

 

It was a soft sketch of the two of them, a close-up of their faces. The background was of trees resembling those around the neighborhood. Lexa’s arm was around Clarke’s neck and Clarke’s mimicked hers. Their smiles were wide, it was like a photograph that captured them at one of their happiest moments.

 

Clarke thought she might’ve seen Lexa’s eyes water at the edges, but Lexa didn’t let the tears fall. Clarke was caught off guard when Lexa suddenly lunged forward to take her blonde friend into her arms, the drawing still grasped in one hand, “Thanks, Clarke. I love it. I’m glad you’re my friend.” Lexa’s hands tightened around Clarke’s neck, letting her thanks flow through the hug.

 

Clarke raised her arms up from her sides and placed them gently on Lexa’s back, “You’re welcome, Lex. I’m glad you’re my friend, too.”

 

After lunch that afternoon, Gustus pulled up on the Griffin’s driveway ready to pick up his niece. Clarke and Lexa resumed their earlier position of a hug, this time to say goodbye rather than as a thanks.

 

“Have fun at school tomorrow.” Lexa whispered to Clarke, still tangled in their embrace.

 

“You too, Lex.” Clarke didn’t want to let go. Clarke knew she never liked goodbyes, but for the first time, she thinks she might hate them.

 

Lexa leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Clarke’s left cheek, taking the blonde by surprise. Clarke was beyond aware of the light pink that now decorated her cheeks.

  
Lexa walked slowly to her uncle’s car, canvas in hand, a short wave aimed at Clarke. Clarke returned the wave, and now she fully believed she _hates_ goodbyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I was kinda struggling with this chapter cause I was sooo eager to get to the next one. My girlfriend (who edits these for me) was like, "Bruh, they're kids right now. They wouldn't say that stuff." And I had to kinda go over and take a step back again. So hopefully, it still came out alright. I know it's a lot of back and forth and a lot of flashbacks and memories but I hope you guys didn't get whiplash. The next chapter is *kindaaaa* gonna be sort of a filler. It's definitely gonna be one of the shorter ones, it's gonna go and (a lot like the end of this chapter) skip forward in time a little bit. 
> 
> Anyways, don't wanna spoil too much! As always...comments and kudos are beyond appreciated and stay tuned!  
> -April


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've honestly been more invested in writing this fic than actually trying to write an essay for my history class that's due pretty soon. But hey, I don't regret it. All the kudos and comments so far have been amazing and they're giving me the encouragement I need to keep writing.
> 
> Anyways, this chapter kinda took me by surprise. I had other plans to kinda get this chapter to be about Clarke's life during middle school, but we're gonna skip that for now and she's now a sophomore in high school.
> 
> I know! 4 year time jump there, but I hope I did it justice trying to tie these chapters together. Of course that doesn't mean the past 4 years were irrelevant, in fact it's the opposite actually. But you're instead gonna get glimpses of the past throughout the remaining chapters.
> 
> Also, unless you're familiar with the sport I'm about to introduce, there's gonna be some terms in this chapter you probably won't understand. That's why it's important you read my notes at the end of the chapter to help you better understand what they are.
> 
> So without further ado, here's Chapter Four  
> -April

“Alright. You got this. C’mon.” Octavia spoke to her reflection, standing over one of the sinks in the girl’s locker room. She looked herself over in the mirror, ready in her fencing gear.

“Deep breaths, O.” Clarke rubbed a hand over her friend’s right shoulder, trying to reassure her.

“Thanks for coming, Clarke. My mom and Bellamy couldn't make it and I just really needed some support.”

“Of course! You know I'm here for you. And if anything, it's just a scrimmage. Nothing is counted, it's just a test run.”

“Right. Test run. It'll be fun.” Octavia spoke more to herself than to Clarke, but it got the message across nonetheless.

Octavia’s fencing coach peeked her head through the locker room door, “Octavia! Your match is up in 10 minutes.” The door shut once more and Octavia knew she couldn't stall any longer.

“Well, here goes nothing.” Octavia picked up her helmet and sword off the bench closest to her before making her way to the locker room entrance.

Clarke and Octavia walked out into the hall and stopped in front of the gymnasium side doors, turning to face each other.

“Hey,” Clarke steadied both her hands on Octavia’s shoulders, her grip firm through the white suit, forcing Octavia to look her in the eyes, “You’ll do great.” Clarke tried her best to convey her belief in the girl. Octavia knew better than to let the nerves get to her. Today was just a small competition to open this year’s fencing season, and Clarke had seen Octavia work too hard to lose her cool at a simple practice competition.

Octavia nodded before they pushed open the double doors, Clarke making her way to the half-full audience stands and Octavia walking in the opposite direction towards her teammates gathered on the sidelines.

The gymnasium was generally used for basketball games, but since they didn't have a game today, the fencing team got to use it. Because today’s competition was small only the bleachers on the “Home” side of the court were available for the spectators. Clarke climbed a few steps up before finding an empty spot near the center of the row, sitting in between two other people, plenty of space to separate them.

Clarke had confidence in Octavia. She was the first sophomore in years to make it into the Varsity Fencing Team at Arkadia High School. Octavia had been in the Junior Varsity team last year, which was a tough cut to make during try-outs. Coach Shumway was very rigorous and only accepted the best. Octavia didn't have much prior practice, but Coach Shumway saw great potential in Octavia’s perseverance and determination. Octavia had only found out in the previous month that she made the Varsity Fencing team. Octavia considered it her late Christmas present from Coach Shumway, her promotion just in time for the Spring Fencing season.

Clarke removed the backpack from her shoulders and began unzipping it from the bench, pulling out a notebook and a pencil. It was a Friday night, but she had a chemistry exam next week and although she had promised to attend Octavia’s fencing scrimmage, she still needed to study. She looks over the assignment handed out during class while making notes in her notebook. She makes a mental note to ask Monty for help this weekend; chemistry has never been Clarke’s best subject, she was better at biology. 

“Alright, our last game of the night! In the co-ed foil division,” The male announcer's voice boomed throughout the auditorium, “we have our very own Octavia Blake…” Clarke tuned out the noise, trying to focus on her work, but the crowd around her began clapping and cheering. Clarke lifted her head up from the notebook, realizing her friend was about to compete, and placed her pencil down to cheer for Octavia. Her attention now on the court.

The fencing strip was perpendicular to the audience’s point of view. The ends of the strip reached where the basketball free-throw line is marked on each side of the court. Octavia stepped forward on the left and her opponent to the right, both entering the bounds of the black rectangular strip.

Clarke looks at Octavia’s opponent. She was slightly taller than Octavia and slender in figure. Her hair was a soft brown, wavy and long. Clarke wasn't close enough to get a good look at her face yet something felt oddly familiar about her. The girl pulled her hair back from her face to tie it up in a bun in order to place the helmet on her head.

Octavia finished clipping one of the body cords to her lamé before pulling her mask over her face as well. Both girls stepped up to the line marking the middle of the strip, a small sign propped up just a few feet off the side boundaries with a group of lights forming a square on each end of the sign. One was assigned to Octavia and the other to her opponent. The competitors acknowledged each other before testing the equipment. Octavia tapped the tip of her sword on her opponent’s lamé, a green light appeared on her square following a loud buzzer. The girl across her repeated the process, a red light appearing on her square instead.

The girls lightly tapped the sides of their sabers before moving a few inches backwards from their original position.

“En garde!” The referee called out, his arms raised to his side. The fencers bent at their knees, holding their swords out, getting into position.

“Ready?” The referee asked and when both girls nodded towards him he brought his arms forward, “Fence!”

And with that, the fencers began shuffling back and forth along the strip. Clarke didn't know much about fencing, but she could tell they were testing each other first. Octavia would step forward and her opponent would counter the motion. They both moved extremely quick, the shuffling of their feet against the floor and the clanking of the swords hitting each other was all Clarke could hear. 

It seemed like forever before Octavia finally lunged forward in an attack. Her opponent parried it, but Octavia’s sword still managed to touch her competitor’s arm. A buzz was heard and a white light appeared on Octavia’s square. Clarke looks up at the scoreboard hanging above the bleachers on the opposite wall. Both were still at zero and the time was still counting down, now close to 2 minutes remaining. Clarke remembers Octavia telling her that only touches on the torso area count as a point.

Clarke found she was still staring at the scoreboard when she heard another loud buzz, bringing her attention to the court. Octavia was upset, Clarke could tell even through the mask covering her facial expressions. Octavia tried to physically shake off her nerves before moving to acknowledge the referee. Her opponent made no expression indicating triumph at the last score, she was only still.

“En garde. Ready? Fence!” The referee said it much quicker this time and the fencers resumed their fight.

Clarke didn't even get the chance to blink before she heard another buzz. Clarke thought Octavia might've scored this point, but it was again her opponent. Clarke looked up at the scoreboard again, the number 0 spelled in lights under “HOME” and the number 2 under “VISITOR”. 

The time read 2:07, “Octavia still has plenty of time to score,” Clarke thought out loud.

The fencers repeated their routine of back and forth, and when Clarke looked up at the scoreboard the next time, there was only 20 seconds remaining. The score was 6 for Octavia, her opponent scored the last point bringing it to 11.

Clarke could see the defeat in Octavia’s body language. She was tired, but she still had some fight left in her. This was typical of Octavia, never willing to give up, even if she knew she couldn't win. 

Octavia did manage to give one last hurrah, scoring the final point before the timer ran out, giving out one long buzz. The crowd erupted in applause at the great game the two played. Members of the crowd started gathering their belongings, ready to leave for the night. Most of them were parents, moving down from the bleachers to find their respective child. Clarke took this as her cue to begin replacing her items into her backpack.

The announcer came on the intercom once more, “Well that was a great game! Looks like our winner for that last round is Forest Oaks High sophomore, Lexa Woods!”

Clarke was in the middle of zipping her backpack closed when she heard the name. _Lexa?_ She straightened her back and stood up, looking down on the court.

Octavia’s helmet was already under her left arm when she moved forward to shake her opponent's hand. Lexa’s helmet was lifted, but Clarke still couldn't see the front of her face. Clarke quickly finished zipping her backpack and placed her arms through the straps, trying to make her way down the bleachers.

Clarke pushed her way through the small crowd, eager to see if it really was Lexa. Clarke eventually reached Octavia near the center of the court but her opponent was no longer in sight. She skimmed the crowd to try and spot the brunette girl, but had no luck.

“Clarke! Hey!” Octavia noticed Clarke in the crowd and jogged over to her, “Oh my god. That was Lexa. Do you remember her?” Octavia held surprise in her voice.

Clarke was speechless. All she could do was stare blankly at her friend, mouth opening and closing wanting to say something but not knowing what. 

“Clarke? Hey, you okay?” Octavia's tone changed to concern, placing her still gloved hand on Clarke's shoulder.

“Yeah. Yeah...I'm fine. I'm just-” Clarke was at a loss of words and she didn’t know why. Clarke might not be the most talkative amongst her friends, but she rarely didn't know what to say when she did speak. “Sorry, I was just caught off guard. I forgot about her.” 

_I forgot about her._ That sentence repeated in Clarke's mind and saying it out loud gave it weight. Clarke felt a sharp squeeze in between her ribs where her heart lived. How could she forget about Lexa?

Clarke's mind was still recovering from the shock when Octavia spoke again, “Yeah, you guys used to be so close. I can't believe it. I mean, I'm kinda upset at myself that I lost but damn, Lexa sure knows how to fence.” Octavia shook her head in disbelief.

Clarke tried to bring herself back to the present, “Yeah, O. I'm sorry. But you still did great!”

“Not good enough to beat Lexa apparently.” Octavia scoffed at her own statement, “Coach wasn't that upset though. Apparently she heard that Lexa’s the best fencer they've got at Forest Oaks. She was just glad I got some points in. I think that's the nicest thing she's ever said to me.”

Clarke lets out a soft laugh at her friend’s mild sarcasm, attempting to dismiss the growing feeling of dullness in her chest.

* * *

The sky was painted with purple and red, the sun ebbing its way below the horizon. Clarke thinks it's incredibly beautiful and reminds herself to paint the sunset one of these days. 

She sits next to Octavia on the curb of the parking lot at the back of the high school. It was a fairly large parking lot, usually lined with school buses ready to take students home, but it was long after hours. Now parents were ushering their kids into their minivans and SUVs, prepared to take a nice long rest at home. The parking lot was mostly empty aside from a school bus parked on the curb and a few other cars. Clarke had just called her dad a few minutes ago to let him know that she and Octavia were ready to be picked up. 

Octavia was silent, tired from the match she finished just a few minutes ago. She was still in her armor, but her gloves and helmet were stowed away in her gym bag along with her sword.

Clarke let her mind wander, but it just ended up at the same place again. Lexa. It had been over 4 years since she last saw the green-eyed girl and she sincerely regretted letting time slip by her without her permission. 

She tried to think about where their paths could have diverged. They had plenty of memories as children. Clarke even found it difficult to remember a day when she _wasn't_ spending time with Lexa during her elementary years.

Then she remembered having to attend separate middle schools. Sixth grade was an interesting year for Clarke. It was so different from elementary school. She had freedom and some choice over her courses. She actually found the content of the classes challenging and she doesn't remember having to study and focus so hard in school before. Of course, that was also the year she met Finn Collins.

Finn sat next to her in her art class that year and Clarke thought he was a handsome boy. There was a day where they had to do origami and Clarke wasn't very good at it, but Finn helped her. Clarke forgot the fact that boys have cooties and that they ate their own boogers and instead she let the small butterflies float around in her stomach when Finn would smile at her.

It wasn't long after that Clarke admitted she had a “crush” on Finn, or that's what the other kids called it. And although, the other kids also told her that Finn _totally_ had a crush on her too, she never did anything with that information. She kept crushing on him for the next year until one day, he kissed her. On the lips. She remembers it being wet and kinda sloppy, but 15-year-old Clarke now understands how ill prepared 12-year-olds are for their first kiss. 

Nothing had happened between the two since then. Clarke’s crush on him eventually went away and Finn ended up kissing other girls. Namely one girl named Raven. She was a year older than Finn, but that didn't stop him. By the time they were freshmen at Arkadia High, Finn and Raven started dating, and they have been since. Clarke just hopes Finn got better at kissing since the 7th grade.

Clarke slightly jolted in her position when she heard the doors behind her open loudly, laughter and conversation flooding into the silent dusk. Clarke looked over her shoulder to look at the rear entrance of her high school. She didn't recognize these students and considering some of them still had their fencing gear on, Clarke could only assume they were from Forest Oaks. Clarke was about to resume her prior position when she recognized one of the girls walking quietly in the back of the crowd. Her hair was still pulled back from her face, no longer in a bun, but rather in a ponytail dangling off the back of her head.

Like a reflex, Clarke stood up from the ground and straightened her back. Some of the students looked at her before passing on the left, making their way towards the school bus on the curb. Lexa's eyes were blankly fixed on the ground, not really paying attention to where she was going. She still had her fencing armor on, her duffle bag tossed over her left shoulder, keeping it in place with her hand. Her thoughts seemed to be elsewhere while her feet mindlessly took her where she needed to go. But when her gaze met Clarke’s feet, she looked up. And for the first time in four years, blue eyes met green.

Clarke doesn't know why she stood up, and she felt like she was in second grade all over again. _Does she even remember me?_

Clarke's throat suddenly felt very dry. And even if she knew what to say, she didn't trust her voice at the moment. Nevertheless, Clarke swallowed hard before speaking, “Um. Hey. I don't know if you remember-”

“Clarke.” 

Clarke was taken by surprise at Lexa’s interruption. _She does remember me._ Clarke could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and she thinks Lexa could probably hear it too. Clarke looks Lexa once over, she looked so different, but still the same.

Lexa definitely had a growth spurt, she was now at least an inch taller than Clarke. Her face was still slender, though more defined. Her cheekbones were high and prominent, a feature that wasn't emphasized when she was younger. If Clarke thought Lexa was pretty before, she was beyond beautiful now. But when Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes, she saw someone different. Though still green, it was darker in shade. But it wasn't just the color that changed, it was what they held. Clarke remembers seeing so much joy, curiosity, and recklessness in those eyes when they were young, but not anymore. Clarke can't seem to find a single trace of happiness in them and she wonders where it all went. Her heart ached for her childhood friend. Time didn’t stop for anyone, and Clarke wasn’t an exception. It’s _only_ been four years, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was already so far out reach.

Clarke doesn't know how long they've been standing there looking at each other, but all she wants to do is close the distance between them and wrap her arms around Lexa. So she does. Clarke lunged forward and wrapped her arms around the back of Lexa’s neck. Clarke felt like crying but she knew it was not the time nor the place, so she held it in. But she did not hold in the amount of love she tried to ferry through the hug. She wanted to take them back to when they were younger. Back to when all they knew was silly jokes and slumber parties and hugs that could cure all their problems. She just wanted _her_ Lexa back.

Lexa was caught off guard. Caught off guard by meeting Clarke again. Caught off guard by her beauty. And definitely caught off guard by her hug. Lexa didn't know how to respond. She had spent the last couple years forgetting how to feel, and so she was frozen. Even if she wanted to move, she couldn't. 

When Clarke realized Lexa wouldn't return the embrace, she eased up and stepped back, dropping her arms back to her sides. 

“I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. I just- It’s been a while since I've seen you.” Clarke tried to remember how to speak.

“A while.” Lexa smirked to herself before looking at the ground again, “Yeah, that's one way to put it.”

Clarke could sense the tension in the air. How she really wished to go back in time right now.

“Um...yeah. How have you been?” Clarke attempted at small talk, but she could feel Lexa losing interest.

“It's been…” Lexa looked up to meet Clarke's gaze once more. She wanted to just let it all go, and tell Clarke everything that's happened the past four years. But she had long forgotten how to let go. Instead she offered a small smile, the corners of her lips just barely curving up, “It's been fine, Clarke.”

Clarke knew Lexa wasn't being honest. She saw the sorrow in her eyes. And Clarke knew that if she swam in them long enough, she'd reach the deep end and find answers she wasn’t ready for. So she stops. Opting to tread in shallower waters for now.

“Right. Well, it was nice seeing you, Lexa.” Clarke tried to return Lexa’s smile, but she found it difficult when every bone in her body just wanted to take Lexa into her arms.

Lexa only nods once before moving around Clarke’s left, towards her school bus.

Clarke’s gaze followed Lexa as she walked further away, the image of her long brunette hair swaying back and forth against her back mesmerizing Clarke.

“Uh,” Clarke was broken out of her trance by the syllable. She had forgotten Octavia was still there. And she looked down to meet her friend’s questioning expression, “what the hell was that, Clarke?”

Clarke could only shake her head in a silent response before turning back to look at the direction the green-eyed girl walked in. The bus doors were now closed, and the vehicle rumbled like a beast being woken before slowly driving out of the parking lot.

And with that, Lexa was gone once again. Clarke wished she had the courage to stop Lexa and pretend like four years hadn't come in between them. But wishes were wishes for a reason, and there wasn't an abundance of shooting stars tonight. So Clarke let her go, with the hope of seeing her again. Because for once in her life, she doesn't think this is goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Terms:**  
>  -foil division: one of the three types of weapons used in fencing, the goal is to touch your opponent's torso area using just the tip of the sword  
> -fencing strip: a long rectangular strip in which the fencers compete within its bounds  
> -body cord: electrical equipment that usually attaches to the fencer's sword and _lamé_ extending through a reel of wire that connects to a system detecting when the weapon has touched the opponent  
>  -lamé: an electrical conductive jacket worn by _foil_ and _sabre_ fencers to define the scoring area. For _foil_ competitions, the lamé extends throughout the torso from the shoulders to the groin.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:**  
>  I'm in NO WAY claiming to be an expert of any kind in fencing. I don't know how to fence, I've never fenced before and I don't even know anyone that fences. I literally spent an hour watching fencing videos and googling about fencing to get this accurate as I could portray it. But! That of course doesn't mean it's perfect. So, just be a little lenient with me here. Honestly, the Wikipedia page on fencing gave a pretty good summary on the basics of fencing, so if you're still lacking some context, I would suggest checking that out.
> 
>  **A/N:**  
>  Hehe. _"On the Fence"_. See what I did there? I'm a sucker for puns. But the title is honestly more than just about fencing, I just so happened to be joking with my girlfriend about "On the Fence" as a potential title and it oddly had nice ring to it, so it stuck.
> 
> This week/weekend/next weekend is gonna be a little busy for me. I've got some essays and some assignments I need to get started on. So, I honestly have no idea when I'll be able to post the next chapter but I promise it'll get done. I'm an expert procrastinator and writing this fic gives me satisfaction so it's 50/50 that I'll post it VERY soon, or later rather than sooner.
> 
> All in all, hope you guys liked the chapter and sorry for the long ass note. Stay tuned!  
> -April


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. This new chapter turned out to come wayyyy later rather than sooner and I do apologize. I hope there's some of you still interested in the story.  
> This chapter is kind of a filler, a little bit of exposition. Which may or may not be interesting for you but I swear on it right now, I'm working on the next chapter already.
> 
> -April

“Hey,” the voice was distant but Clarke heard it nonetheless, “Earth to Clarke.”

Clarke felt like she was suddenly whipped back to reality by the call of her name, shaking her out of her trance. She turned to face the boy sitting across the floor from her, a slight look of concern painting his features.

“Sorry, Monty. I just kinda zoned out there for a sec. What did you say?” Clarke attempted to brush off her daydream, a fantasy of her interaction with Lexa the night before, wishing it played out differently in reality.

“I asked if you wanted to stay for dinner? My mom’s gonna start cooking soon,” Monty repeated, his eyebrows pulling together, one slightly raised above the other.

“Um,” Clarke looked up to the clock hanging on the wall behind her friend, “Sorry, it’s almost 7. I should get home soon but thanks anyways, Monty.”

Clarke started gathering her papers that lay across the carpet, sighing softly before slumping back. She came over to the Green residence in the hopes that Monty could help her prepare for her chemistry exam next week, but really she felt like she just wasted his time. Her focus had been all over the place since she saw Lexa yesterday. She was sure Monty had something better to do with his Saturday night than helping her study.

“You okay, Clarke?”

Monty was the second friend to ask her recently and honestly, Clarke didn’t know if she was okay. She already felt ill prepared for her chemistry exam and adding on her so-called reunion with Lexa, she couldn’t even focus on anything at the moment.

“Yeah, I’m just really stressed out right now,” Clarke responded, brushing a hand through her golden locks in slight frustration.

“Well then I think you should stay for dinner. Jasper’s coming over and I think he’s bringing Maya. So we can all just chill out for a bit and have some good food. Besides, I know you can’t resist my mom’s grilled chicken,” Monty teased, trying his best to ease up his friend.

Clarke looked at Monty who gave her a crooked smile. She responded with a slight shake of her head before smiling as well, giving into Monty’s offer, “Alright. Just let me call my mom.”

“Sweet. I’ll let my mom know real quick.”

Monty got up from the floor and exited his bedroom, leaving the door slightly open. Clarke could hear his footsteps bouncing down the stairs, followed by a distant conversation which she could only assume was with his mom. 

Clarke finished gathering her papers and notebook before lying down on the carpeted floor of Monty’s bedroom, staring dully at the smooth ceiling. Clarke sighed once more, this time deeply, like an attempt to not only to forget about her test, but also to shake away the nagging feeling that has been growing inside her chest. She’s tried to deflect the feeling to nothing more than just her body coping with the anxiety but Clarke knows it’s because of Lexa. 

Part of her wants to bike down to Lexa’s house in the adjacent neighborhood, knock on her door and apologize. Although for what? She doesn’t know, just that she feels like she needs to. But Clarke doesn’t even know if Lexa still lives there. Another part of her wants to just forget that she even saw Lexa again, but she can’t let her go. Maybe she was too small to understand all those years ago, but Clarke has always felt like she was tethered to Lexa in some way. Like an invisible string tied the two of them together. Even now she could feel it tugging, pulling at her heart and especially at her mind to the point where she can’t focus on anything outside of their interaction yesterday.

Clarke sat up before reaching into her pocket. She pulled out her cellphone and dialed her mom’s phone number, remembering to let her know she’d be having dinner at Monty’s tonight.

* * *

Jasper let out a loud burp before grinning to himself in pride, “Thanks for the dinner, Mrs. G! You never disappoint.”

Maya sat to his left and Clarke caught a glimpse of her slapping him lightly on the arm. Jasper whipped his head to face his girlfriend giving her a questioning look which Maya returned with a scolding one.

Clarke sat across from Maya and could only giggle at the interaction between the two. She just finished her meal and was almost slumping down in her chair, feeling very satiated.

“You’re very welcome, Jasper. You know you guys are always welcome for dinner,” Mrs. Green sat at the head of the table, her plate containing only a small trace of what it previously held. “Alright, I’m gonna head to bed. Monty, can you do the dishes?”

Monty nodded in reply to his mother as she stood up from the table, plate in hand, “Sure thing, mom. Thanks so much for dinner.”

Hannah Green kissed the top of her son’s head before moving towards the sink to place her dish at the bottom, “Good night, kids. Don’t stay up too late.”

And with that she turned around the corner out of sight of the kitchen. The hollow sound of a door closing could be heard throughout the house.

Jasper leaned back in his chair, peeking around the kitchen entrance making sure his old elementary school teacher was out of sight and out of earshot.

“So,” Jasper began, slightly above a whisper, “I got some edibles tonight.”

Monty paused his task of putting plates in the dishwasher to look over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of his best friend suggestively raising his eyebrows.

“Dude, I'm so down.” Monty replied.

Jasper grinned in delight before turning to face his next victim, “Princess, how ‘bout you?”

“Ugh, no thanks. I'm good,” Clarke responded, “I still gotta go home tonight. And I really don't wanna have to bike home high.”

“Oh c’mon. You're no fun. Besides, Monty tells me you've been stressed lately. You know this stuff is the _perfect_ cure.”

Clarke sighed. She had only tried weed once before during the past summer with the _encouragement_ of Monty and Jasper. Clarke remembers feeling airy and definitely stress free. Maybe this could be what she needs right now.

“I really shouldn't.”

Maya shuffled slightly in her seat before chiming in, “I have a drug test coming up for a job interview so I'm staying sober tonight. If you need me to drive you home, I'm happy to.”

“Pretty please, Clarke.” Jasper kept pushing with an exaggerated grin.

“Fine. But just one brownie.”

Jasper cheered in success before quickly quieting down, remembering not to disturb Mrs. Green.

* * *

Within an hour, the four were wasting away inside Monty’s room. Clarke and Monty were spread across his queen sized bed, with Jasper blindly admiring his girlfriend. Maya pretended to be annoyed yet didn't make an effort to discourage his affections.

Clarke once again was facing Monty’s ceiling, but this time it wasn't so blank. It was swirling slightly, an image that reminded her of van Gogh’s Starry Night but in all white. The drug in her system definitely helped relieve her of recent stress. Now all she felt were the waves of the bed caressing her, almost rocking her into a sleep. Although even with the assistance of marijuana, she still had trouble letting Lexa go from her mind. If anything, the drug helped anchor the brunette to the port of her mind. 

“Hey, Maya.” Clarke called, still on her back on top of Monty’s covers.

Maya responded with a hum, while still attempting to subdue Jasper’s intoxicated kisses.

“You go to Forest Oaks, right?” Clarke asked, slowly sitting up. Her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy on her shoulders.

“Yeah, why? What's up?”

“Do you know a girl named Lexa Woods that goes there? She's a sophomore.”

“ _Lexa Woods_?” Maya made a scoffing noise with her lips. “Of course. Who doesn't? She single handedly made fencing an actual thing at our school. I mean, our football and basketball team suck. Fencing is all we've got going now.”

That statement didn't surprise Clarke. She saw Lexa play last night. Before that, she thought Octavia was the best fencer she'd seen. Not that she'd seen many fencing matches prior but nonetheless, even to an untrained eye, no one could doubt Lexa’s abilities.

“So she’s… _popular_ at your school?” Clarke continued, the effects of the weed brownie still manifesting in her veins.

“Well yeah. She’s sort of like that popular jock at school only she's a girl and not actually straight.”

Clarke squeezed her eyebrows together and tilted her head slightly in question, her interest piqued by the last part of Maya’s statement.

“She’s a lesbian. And a very hot one at that.” Maya clarified, shamelessly admitting her thoughts on her fellow schoolmate.

“Heyyyy,” Jasper piped in, “but you're into me right?”

Maya giggled before placing a soft kiss on Jasper’s pout, “Of course. You know I love you, babe.”

Jasper was quickly satisfied by her response, his pout replaced by a cheeky grin.

“Get a room you two,” Monty threw the pillow he was laying on at the couple.

It didn't bother Clarke that Lexa was gay. She honestly couldn't care less, but she was a little surprised. Of course Clarke had thought about her own sexuality as well, a typical thing most girls her age consider. It first began with what she thought was strong admiration for other beautiful women, but she slowly began to accept that maybe these admirations turned out to be more of a genuine attraction. At this point, Clarke identified as bisexual, but it wasn't something she blatantly went around screaming from the top of the world. Octavia was the only one who knew about her sexuality so far, but Clarke knew that her other friends wouldn’t think twice about it either.

“And of course there was that thing with Costia.” 

Clarke was drowning in her own thoughts for sometime before being pulled back to shore by Maya’s comment.

Clarke remembers beautiful Costia when she was young. And she remembers that Lexa and her went to Forest Oaks together.

“What thing with Costia?” Monty pressed on.

Clarke didn't even notice he was paying attention to their conversation but she’s glad he was because she's honestly a little too high at the moment to think straight.

“You guys didn't hear about that?” Maya turned even to Jasper who gave her a confused and unaware shrug.

“Oh wow. Um. It was kind of a big deal at Forest Oaks but I know it wasn't major news anywhere else.” Maya said. “Still, I someone someone would’ve heard about it at Arkadia High.”

Clarke shook her head, confirming that what Maya was about to say would be new information to her. 

“Well, Costia and Lexa were dating. I think they had been since middle school or something. Anyways, everyone at Forest Oaks loved them. Lexa was kinda this badass chick who gave our high school a sort of prestige through her fencing skills. Costia was freshman class president and everyone loved her ‘cause she was so nice and honestly they were cute together.”

Clarke suddenly felt a little sick in her stomach. Not like the feeling that makes you want to throw up, but the kind that makes you want to do something reckless knowing you’ll regret it in the morning. She blamed it on the drugs.

“So what happened?” Clarke urged Maya to continue her story. Hearing that Lexa and Costia were in a relationship didn’t fully surprise Clarke. The two neighbors were close when they were younger. And if they had stayed friends throughout all those years, it would be only a matter of time before best friends became something more.

Maya's expression became solemn and Clarke noticed that Jasper and Monty also seem to have become interested in the conversation.

“Costia passed away last summer. She died in a car accident. Apparently her brother was driving drunk. I wasn't really close with her, but everyone at school loved Costia, I can only imagine how much Lexa did.”

Maya finished in a sorrowful tone. Her sympathy for Lexa was genuine. Clarke couldn't believe what she just heard. Suddenly, she felt herself begin to sober up. Costia was gone. One of her childhood friends had disappeared from the face of the earth and she didn't even know about it.

“Shit, dude,” Monty ran his right hand across his face.

Clarke suddenly felt frozen. She felt dizzier and she knew it wasn’t the drugs this time. She felt her chest grow tight and a swell formed where there was previously space in her throat. She tried to swallow but she couldn't. She felt astral, no longer present in her body but rather living in a shell of it.

“Clarke?” Monty finally shook Clarke from her dissociative state. His eyes no longer hazy and red but rather wide and worried.

“I'm so sorry, guys. I just- I can't believe it.” Clarke noticed that Monty was sitting up next to her with Maya at her feet holding her hands.

She looked at the concerned faces of her friends around her and stands up from the bed, “I gotta go.”

Clarke grabs her backpack from across the floor and heads for the door leading out to the hallway.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Jasper repeats as he grabs a hold of Clarke’s hand before she could swing the door open, “You need to sit down for a sec. I know Costia was your friend and I'm in shock, too. But it's almost midnight so where the fuck do you think you're going?”

Jasper didn't mean to sound harsh but it was obvious to everyone in the room that Clarke was in no condition to be out on her own in the middle of the night.

Clarke looked at Jasper, his disheveled hair held in place by large goggles. His usual goofy expressions replaced by one of uncertainty. Clarke sighed, “I'm going to see Lexa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and messages, guys! They're always appreciated and if anything, it's what really gives me the encouragement to keep going so please keep them coming!
> 
> I've already started Chapter 6, so I'm probably gonna post it pretty soon (I mean it this time).  
> But thanks for sticking with the story, I hope y'all stay around for more.
> 
> -April


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!  
> I'm so deeply sorry for straight up lying last time.  
> There's just so much going on in my personal life that it's hard for me to keep up with things that aren't work or school related these days.
> 
> I've kinda had this chapter sitting for a while but I just recently had the time to go over it and add some parts.  
> We get our first Lexa POV! So that's exciting.  
> We also get some Clexa interaction.
> 
> But overall, I'm satisfied with this chapter, I don't think it's my best but I hope you guys like it anyways!
> 
> Best,  
> -April

“No way, dude,” Monty shook his head and took a deep sigh, “You’re in no state to go out right now. Not only are you in shock but you're also high as fuck. Do you really wanna show up at Lexa’s doorstep without being fully sober?”

 

Monty was right but Clarke didn't want to admit it. Every feeling in her bones right now told her to hop on her bike and pedal her way over to her former friend’s house.

 

“You and Lexa haven’t even spoken in _years_. Is it really appropriate for you to go down there in the middle of the night because you only just now heard about what happened to Costia?” Monty lectured.

 

For someone seemingly inebriated, Monty made too much sense. It was uncharacteristic of Clarke to do something without calculating the consequences beforehand, but the drug still swirling around in her veins made it difficult for her to think clearly. All she could do right now was _feel_. And the only thing she felt was the immense need to see her old friend right now.

 

“I saw Lexa yesterday,” Clarke admitted, “I was at Octavia’s fencing scrimmage, and they played against each other.”

 

Maya and Jasper seemed a little surprised at the confession, but Monty looked like he finally understood why Clarke had been so out of herself lately.

 

“Did you guys, like, catch up or something?” Jasper asked.

 

“No, I mean, sort of,” Clarke sighed, “Lexa wasn’t all there. I know it’s been four years, but I didn’t know so much could happen in that time. She seemed sad, I could tell but she wouldn’t let me in. At least now I know why and I can’t just let her be alone.”

 

Monty and Jasper’s expressions mimicked each other. Both had eyes that could empathize with what Clarke was saying. Neither Monty nor Jasper were close to Lexa or Costia when they were younger, but the boys only have to imagine what it would be like to lose each other to understand what Lexa was feeling right now.  
Monty took a deep sigh before speaking again, “Alright. Fine.”

 

“You know I don’t need your permission to leave, right?”

 

“I know, but I also know you respect our opinions enough to consider them even while we’re delirious.”

 

Maya sat up straight and gave a soft cough to bring attention to herself, “Well, I’m still sober. How ‘bout I drive you? It still isn’t exactly safe for you to bike out in the middle of the night, high or not.”

 

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine.” Clarke said.

 

“No, really. I insist. Jasper and I can come with you. And if things don’t go well, I’ll take you home.”

 

Clarke considered Maya’s proposition, nodding in agreement.

* * *

“Does she even still live here?”

 

“I don’t know. Just cause I go to the same school as her doesn’t mean I know every detail of her life.”

 

“I’m just wondering, babe.”

 

Clarke sat in the backseat behind Jasper’s passenger seat. She looked out the car window directly to her right, ignoring the couple’s conversation up front. The house still looked the same and with the police cruiser sitting in the driveway, like many days Clarke had seen before, she could assume Lexa still lived there. Clarke thinks that at least some things remained unaffected by time. The porch light was off, but she could make out flashes of a TV screen through the dining room window. Someone was still awake, granted it was just before midnight on a Saturday night. Clarke looks up to the window above the garage, where Lexa’s room is supposed to be. A dim light shone through the thin curtains, hopefully Lexa was still awake.

 

“You sure you still wanna do this, Clarke?” Maya turned around in her seat to look at Clarke over the center console.

 

“You should also probably make a decision soon ‘cause I’m sure if we stay here for another five minutes someone will probably call the cops on us.” Jasper comments.

 

Maya slapped him on the arm for the second time that night, “Ow! What? I’m just sayin’!”

 

Clarke opens her door without saying another word. She hadn’t planned anything after this point, but she walks up to the edge of the driveway where the sides are bordered by smoothed decorative stones separating the cement and grass. Clarke picks up one of the smaller rocks she could find and shuffles it in her hand. She takes a deep breath, pulling together what’s left of her intoxicated courage and throws the rock towards Lexa’s bedroom window. The impact created a defiantly quick rap, definitely loud enough to hear if Lexa were still awake.

 

“Clarke! What the hell?! Why can’t you just knock on the door like a normal person?!” Jasper exclaimed in a whispered tone through his passenger window, afraid to wake up the neighborhood.

 

Clarke ignores him and continues to find another rock, reeling her hand back again before throwing the rock once more, this time harder.

 

“Jesus, we’re gonna caught, Clarke! Her uncle is literally a cop, and I really don’t wanna go to jail!”

 

Clarke hushed him from the driveway, ready to throw her third rock before seeing a shadow dance across the curtain.

 

Clarke dropped the rock in her hand as one of the curtains was swept to the side, revealing a soft outline of Lexa.

 

Clarke was too far down to clearly see Lexa’s expression in the dark, but Clarke swears it was one of extreme confusion. Nonetheless, Clarke starts waving her right hand over her ahead, making sure to catch Lexa’s attention. Lexa didn’t move from her position in the window and Clarke began having second thoughts. 

 

Lexa replaced the curtain as it was before and turned away from the window, her shadow gone. Clarke felt her heart plummet down to her stomach. _Fuck, this was such a bad idea._ Clarke turned around, slowly returning to Maya’s car still parked on the curb. _What the hell was I thinking? Why would she even come out here?_ Suddenly, she saw the porch light turn on behind her, followed by the creak of the front door opening.

 

Clarke couldn’t believe it and she felt her heartbeat grow quicker, still deep within her belly. Clarke turned around once more, facing the front of the house.

 

“Clarke?” A soft voice called out into the dark and Clarke felt her heart flutter at the sound of her name.

 

Clarke slowly makes her way to the porch until she was just at the edge, all traces of her previous courage washed away, “Hey.”

 

Lexa stood in the doorframe, her hair down, strands falling in front of her shoulders. Clarke took in the sight of her, completely different from her full body fencing gear the night before. Lexa was wearing a white camisole with shorts that sat just above mid-thigh. The weather outside was mildly chilly but it didn’t seem to bother her.

 

Lexa stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her, now just a few feet in front of Clarke. She crossed her arms over her chest and wore the same confused expression on her face, silently asking for an explanation.

 

Clarke once again felt frozen, her throat dry and her heart thumping faster than it already was before. Yet by some miracle she still could find her voice, unfortunately it came out like vomit instead, quick and incoherent, “I’m sorry, I know this all seems kinda weird and creepy but I don’t know what I was thinking. I was with Monty and Jasper and we we’re hanging out and I know it’s late and I’m sorry, again, but I just felt like I needed to come by after Maya, who goes to your school, told me what happened between...” Clarke realized she was babbling, a rare occurrence. She paused when she saw Lexa’s expression remained the same, confused.

 

Clarke was about to start over but was caught off guard when Lexa suddenly reached for her face, both hands on each side. Now Clarke was the one confused, but she felt her face grow warm with embarrassment when she realized what Lexa was looking for her in her eyes.

 

“Clarke, are you...high?”

 

Lexa slowly released her grip on Clarke’s face. Clarke lowered her gaze to the floor in admission, “Yeah, a little.”  
Clarke raised her head to catch a glimpse of Lexa’s reaction and was surprised to find a subtle smirk on her face.

“Look, I know this probably is all weird to you right now but if I’m gonna be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking about our… _reunion_ yesterday,” Clarke paused, looking to Lexa once again as if in permission to continue. Lexa’s face remained stoic and Clarke took it as a cue. “And...I heard about what happened to Costia.”

 

Clarke found herself shuffling slightly, her eyes suddenly glued to the floor, “I just-” Clarke paused to take a deep breath, “Costia was my friend too. And I know I wasn’t as close to her as you were, but if the pain I feel is even just a fraction of what you feel, then I just want you to know that you’re not alone, that I’m here for you. I know I’m late and I’m sorry that we grew apart, but I guess it’s better to be late than never.”

 

Clarke raised her head fully to look at Lexa and found herself swimming in her green oceans once more. This time, Clarke was prepared to float in the deep end with Lexa, prepared to drown in whatever fear and guilt her eyes contained, but Lexa turned her head away.

 

Lexa’s jaw clenched slightly, a micro-expression that Clarke wouldn’t have noticed if she wasn’t already canvassing Lexa’s face. 

 

Clarke felt defeated and the doubts came flooding back. _Maybe this really was a bad idea._

 

“You should go home, Clarke. It’s late.”

 

“Lexa, I’m sorry, but I just-”

 

“Stop apologizing,” Lexa interrupted, her tone was firm, but her voice remained soft. “You don’t need to apologize for anything.”

 

Clarke remained quiet in the hopes that Lexa would say more, but all she received was a deep sigh and a repeated command, “Go home, Clarke.”

 

With that, Lexa retreated back into her home, leaving Clarke in the chill night on her porch.

 

_It’s official, this was a_ terrible _idea._

* * *

Lexa shut the door behind her, leaning her head back until it thudded against the hardwood, as she released a long held breath.

 

“Who was that?”

 

The question was an echo from the living room just a few feet down the open hall, a continuous flickering of light coming from the television Lexa knew was behind the wall.

 

“No one.” Lexa responded firmly, pushing her body off the door and towards the only source of light in the house.

 

The soft muffled sound coming from the television slowly began to fill her ears, though still incoherent.

 

She reached the end of the short hall and stepped into the open clearing of their living room. The television was propped up on a short stand against the wall on her left, the couch and its only occupant faced it. Anya was seemingly engrossed in her show but Lexa knew better.

 

Lexa plopped down to Anya’s left with a soft sigh, relaxing her frame into the broken-in couch, laying her head back.

 

“Now, that doesn’t sound like it was no one,” Anya remarked, slowly becoming more interested in her young cousin than the show in front of her, “who was it?”

 

Lexa let out her third sigh in the past five minutes before turning to face the older brunette on her right, “It was Clarke.”

 

Anya looked confused for about a second before Lexa visibly saw the realization behind the other girl’s eyes, eyebrows raised.

 

“Oh! Clarke Griffin, yeah?”

 

Lexa nodded in confirmation, returning her gaze back to the ceiling, “Honestly surprised you remember her.”

 

Anya responded with a half smirk, “Oh please, you two were practically inseparable as kids. All those damn sleepovers. Pretty sure you were just as close to her as you were to-” Anya stopped herself before letting the name fall from her lips. She attempted to cover it up with a cough, but she knew that Lexa would’ve caught it regardless.

 

Lexa felt a soft tug in her chest remembering the innocent memories, but she willed them away just as quick as they came.

 

“So...what was she doing here? You guys haven’t talked in years.” Anya tried to deflect, understanding that Lexa’s recently lost loved one was still a fresh wound on her young cousin’s heart.

 

Lexa shrugged, a pathetic attempt to try and get the older girl off subject. She told the older brunette pretty much everything and this wouldn’t be any different, though she couldn’t help but try to be a little difficult.

 

Anya responded with a gaze she knew Lexa could sense even though she wasn’t looking directly at her.

 

“She heard about Costia,” Lexa said, defeatedly. Closing her eyes at the admission, begging the tears starting to form to stay at bay.

 

It was Anya’s turn to sigh as she also turned to lay her head back on the couch, mirroring the girl next to her. She knew better than to push the conversation further.

 

Anya could never know the amount of pain Lexa had felt when Costia died but she could try and understand. Anya had been there for Lexa through the growing number of days she had seen happiness leave those green eyes, to the point of never knowing when she’d see the light in them again.

 

It had only been 7 months since the tragic car accident. And it’s barely been a month since Lexa could once again hear or speak Costia’s name without feeling a vast amount of despair overtake her, the ache in her heart just starting to grow dull.

 

Anya reached for Lexa’s right hand that lay on her lap, and squeezed it with reassurance. The older girl’s hands felt warm in contrast to the younger one’s. 

 

Anya understood the amount of strength it took Lexa to finally be able to sleep somewhat soundly these recent nights. She also understood what her cousin had to sacrifice in order to numb herself to the pain of losing the girl she loved. Anya could only stand by as Lexa launched herself into never-ending nights of fencing practice, one of the few other things Lexa still enjoyed.

 

Just recently after coming back to school from the winter break, a well-known private fencing coach approached Lexa following one of her after-school practices and offered to mentor her, saying something about her “being one of the greatest”. Anya knew that any other day, Lexa would’ve thought well and hard about the offer. But this wasn’t any other day, and she knew Lexa only said yes because it’s what she felt she needed to keep herself from falling apart.

 

There was only one conversation between Anya and Lexa on the subject before Anya decided against mentioning it again. Most of the conversation consisted of yelling on Anya’s part believing that Lexa drowning herself if tiresome work would not allow her time to heal but Lexa, of course, was having none of it. She had never responded well to authority, she had always been more of a commander than a follower and Anya was no exception.

 

It wasn’t that Anya didn’t think Lexa could become one of the greatest fencers in their lifetime, in fact she believed the opposite, she’d seen a fair amount of Lexa’s matches to recognize the girl had a talent for the sport. But her opposition to Lexa’s quick acceptance of the offer was mostly due to the timing of events and Lexa’s obvious underlying motive.

 

Lexa didn’t know how long they had been sitting there in a comfortable silence, but she finally responded to Anya’s actions by returning a squeeze of her own. It was short lived as Lexa slowly got up from the couch, releasing herself from Anya’s grip.

 

“I’m going to bed. I have practice tomorrow,” Lexa reminded.

 

Anya nodded, “Okay. Good night, kiddo.”

 

Lexa reached the bottom of the stairs before Anya spoke again, “Hey.”

 

Lexa turned to face her cousin. Anya was still seated on the couch but her left arm draped over the back, her head turned to face the girl behind her, “You’re gonna be alright.”

 

The corners of Lexa’s lips curled up slightly at the words of reassurance, something she never believed to be true, although something deep in her gut was now telling her otherwise. She pushed the feeling away, convincing herself that it was nothing more than sleep wanting to embrace her.

 

Making her way inside her room, she laid down in bed with a huff. After settling under her warm comforter, she reached to her bedside table to turn off the lamp, immersing her in the dark.

 

Her mind always tended to wander before she fell asleep and tonight her thoughts turned to the yellow haired girl that had stood on her porch just moments ago. Remembering how oddly beautiful she looked despite her disheveled and slightly intoxicated appearance. 

 

Lexa closed her eyes preparing for the slumber surely to consume her at any moment, but the last thing she saw was the way Clarke looked at her with sympathetic eyes, and it made Lexa feel, for a moment, that there was someone out there that cared about her other than her uncle Gustus and Anya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo that's that. I've got the next chapter kinda half written but don't be surprised if it'll take a while to finish.  
> Again, so sorry for the late update. Hopefully by the winter break I'll be able to get more writing done.
> 
> Either way, everyone's comments and kudos really are what keep me going and I more than appreciate any feedback.
> 
> Thanks guys,  
> -April


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